Icha Icha: Conquest Sage Deodorant
by Ichimaru Jackson
Summary: Make the ladies go wild with new Sage Deodorant  Warning side effects include mild nymphomania in interested sex.
1. Chapter 1

"Normal"

'_Thought'_

"**Demonic/Pissed/Shouting"**

'_**Demonic/Pissed/Shouthing thought'**_

**Jutsu**

_**Karaoke**_

_**~Icha Icha: Conquest Sage Deodorant~**_

"Ahh Jiraiya-sama, thank you for taking the time to come all the way to Yugakure, to speak with us, despite your busy schedule." Stated a partially bowed man dressed in expensive business attire. The Sannin in question looked at the man with contempt, each second he spent here, was another second away from the beauties he'd been observing for the plot of his newest Icha Icha series, and the tone he spoke in made it all the clear to the bowed man.

"This had better be good; I was in the middle of gathering precious research for, possibly, my greatest series yet."

"Yes sir, I apologize for disrupting you, being an avid fan of your books myself, but there is something we believe you should be aware of." Clearing his throat the business man straighten himself taking a few breaths to calm himself. "You see Jiraiya-sama, not too long ago one of our agents came across a rather strange recipe of yours while searching for ingredients to create a new deodorant, do you remember a time when you created the recipe for the "Ultimate Love Potion."

A look of confusion spread across the Toad Sannin's face for a moment as he attempted to recall creating such a recipe, and soon enough flashes teenaged years ran through his mind, memories of the Ultimate Prank, as he liked to call it, came to mind, but why would this company call him all the way here for that, it's not like they tried to make it…

"Judging from your expression sir I'm guessing you remember?" The man questioned pausing only receive his confirmation. "Well you see sir our agent brought it to head quarters and at first we all assumed it was one of the many pranks you have been known for in the past, given the age of the paper, except for the president, whom hired shinobi to hunt down the rare and, difficult to locate, ingredients, under the claims that the man who created Kunai _(ninja version of Axe)_ must have an eye for things like this.

Eventually we were able to gather the needed ingredients and create a suitable spray deodorant, which we named Sage Deodorant and on its initial test-"

"It didn't work correct?" The Sannin butted in annoyed that these people would bother him with something that was guaranteed to fail.

"Actually…"

Or not.

Surprised at Jiraiya's sudden change from disinterested annoyance to on the edge of his seat excitement the business man paused for a second before continuing on with his tail.

"After initial application of the deodorant we received no, desired effects as expected…however after five minutes the female, and some of the male volunteers began to act strange before jumping the test subject and, if not for the on hand security, probably scarred the test subject for life. After the incident we took additional tests, with the proper safety precautions for the subject and were able to find out that the effects last for a twenty-four hour period, only on those attracted to the sex it's applied on and that they hold no memory of their actions the next day."

By this point Jiraiya was practically drooling as thoughts of the benefits that such a deodorant would hold came to mind; and then…like a gift from Kami herself, the idea for his next and probably greatest book yet came to mind, giggling like a school girl that had just been kissed by her crush the toad sennin furiously scribbled down ideas in his notepad.

"YOU'VE GOT TO GIVE ME THAT DEODORANT!" Came the excited scream of the sannin as he shook the businessman as if he were a rag doll.

"But that's just it Jiraya-sama, we can't give it to you." The businessman stated despite being shaken when he was suddenly slammed into the chair with the freezing burn of cold steel pressed against his throat as he stared down a man that none whom face him in battle lived to tell the tale.

"You better have a good fucking reason, or you and your spine are going to have a face to face encounter real soon!" The white haired man threatened his tone and eyes icier than the kunai on his neck.

"Y-you s-s-see th-there w-w-was a f-f-fi-fire re-recent-t-tly that-t-t in-in-incener-r-rat-ted our e-e-entire s-s-stock a-and t-t-the r-recipe, t-t-that's w-w-why w-we c-c-c-c-c-con-contact-t-ted you, i-in h-ho-hop-pes y-y-you wou-wou-would h-h-have a-a-a s-s-spare c-c-copy o-f-f-f t-t-t-the re-re-recipe!" The man managed to stutter out, trying his damnedest not to piss himself on the spot.

Sighing in disappointment, the dreams of his newest book shattered before they could even take flight Jiraiya returned his kunai to its pouch, making his way towards the door when the businessman, whom miraculously regained his composure said something that almost made his heart burst with joy.

"We were able to send out two cans to some contest winners in Hi no Kuni before the fire broke out; if you were able to retrieve just one of them we'd be able to reverse engineer it to figure out the recipe."

Determination set in his eyes Jiraiya, the toad sennin, struck a nice guy pose announcing his intent to find whoever had won and bring the deodorant back in the name of Icha Icha Conquest and, faster than the Hiraishin, he was gone.

_**~Icha Icha: Conquest Sage Deodorant~**_

Meanwhile in Konohgakure no Sato a well known pair of shinobi were just waking to the pleasant singing of blue jay on the window seal, one with a wild mop of blond hair as bright as the sun, deep cerulean eyes, filled with passion and determination and trademark whisker-like birthmarks adoring his face, the other with locks a deeper shade of crimson than the healthiest of roses, emerald orbs portraying mischief and strength and his trademark slashes going down his right eye.

Yep the Uzumaki-Namikaze brothers Naruto and Nexus were just awakening to the day both having the same thought in mind.

'_Why do I get the feeling today's gonna be really weird?'_

_**~Icha Icha: Conquest Sage Deodorant~**_

**Nexus972: And that's then end of chapter 1. Not a bad start to my new pwp if I do say so myself, though the idea isn't originally mine **_**(came across a hentai comic that was doing this only difference is the deodorant is sponsored by Jiraiya)**_** I thought it'd be fun to introduce to the fanfiction community. Now I know some of you are wondering "Is Art of Seduction Uzumaki Style ever going to be updated?" and to be completely honest I'm not really sure, I like the story and all, it just 'm not that motivated to keep writing it if anyone wants it they can take it I don't really care if I'm credited or not I just want to introduce **_**(and hopefully one day finish)**_** some fanfiction hope you like it, and hopefully I'll have chapter 2 up soon.**


	2. MUST READ!

**Warning! (Copied off ShotgunRedneck)**

**There is a scheme brewing up with the FF staff and they're planning to take down any and every story over the M rated section (stories with yaoi, yuri, het lemons, song based stories, extreme violence, etc) ...**

**So on June 23rd, there will be an official Black Out. Authors will not log in, read, or review stories. Those who do not have accounts are also affected by FF's decisions too. Please participate and spread the news! If enough authors take part in this event, FF will know we mean business. Also, if anybody has any information on when this purging on M-rated fics will be please contact me. I would like to know in advance.**

**SPREAD THE WORD!**

(My Part)

As of now most readers, and writers, of must already be aware of what's soon to happen on this site; if not then allow me to tell those who are still following me what's happening. To put it simply has wisely decided purge their website of any satanic impurity that is in anyway shape or form of graphic violence and/or sexuality.

Now while the reasons behind this as still somewhat muggy in my opinion, I mean I can guess but I honestly have not heard or seen any concrete reasoning for this decision from the one in charge of the site itself, I honestly cannot agree with how they feel this situation should be handled, not only as a MA fiction writer, but as a fan of other MA writers and a fan of this site.

It is quite obvious that the creators of are not seeing the full scale of consequences that will come with this decision, if stories that are considered MA are purged from this site, which include all but I believe two of the stories I have posted _(and that's only because I haven't gotten far enough in them yet)_ most of not authors of said stories will leave this site in retaliation to the forceful censorship of the work they poured their all into, for free no less, just for the sake of bettering themselves as writers and entertaining those wishing to read them.

Please correct me if I'm wrong but is it not the very definition of** fan**fiction to take a story that has already been created remake it in your own image of how you'd like to have seen things done or ways a certain scenario would have played out if ran differently?

No matter how you're looking at it this attempt to censor our work defies the very meaning behind this entire site itself. While I will not openly cause an uproar if this decision goes through it can go without saying that my updating on this site no matter how rare or far between will come to a definite halt the only posts being made being for leading people away from this site if they do so wish to read my work. _(I've already made accounts on and incase it is needed)_

**Update on my work:**

As for my fiction currently on the site I said that I would continue it and I mean it, while I have not posted in a long time I have been working my stories _(rewriting some of them quite a few times)_ and I will be posting all of my work **UNCENSORED** on this site, **AFTER THE BLACKOUT**, until I'm banned; why two reasons fist of all I will not cater to the needs of those who go to stories that have clearly been mark as having extremely sexual/violent situations _(ie This fanfic has lemons/is a pwp[porn without plot]/gore heavy)_ the writer's take necessary precautions _(I'm actually going to double check made sure I did once this is posted)_ so why should we suffer for the people ill-responsible to let their kids read this, if that is even the reason behind this decision _(again I have not seen a concrete reasoning behind this decision from the owners of this site)_.

Second this is the best publicity I can hope for I mean seriously by announcing this I'm sure there has been a massive surge in views for stories that are considered "MA". I mean think about it do you think Two Girls One Cup, Hunger Games, or even Harry freakin' Potter got where they are just on their own? No people went around saying "Hey have you seen Two Girls One Cup it has chicks eating shit in it, have you read Hunger Games they turn dead people into werewolf monsters, or don't read Harry Potter it's the devils book!" Yet as I recall all of these have been on the news which got it even more publicity _(Need I ask you who set the record fot the most box office hits it opening weekend?)_ and if you wanna get current, how many people even heard of the Cinnamon challenge before it hit the news, not me that's for sure.

But I digress all I'm saying is that I hope this decision won't go through I've been on this site for as long as I've been on and I'd have to lose it cause some people didn't think shit through.

**Note: From here on out everything is copied from other authors (the blackout message will show up again)**

A word from me, S4ik0ryu:

A lot of things have happened to me in the last month. Top two I was sick like a dying dog for week and I lost my story file to a virus. I was almost done with the chapters too.

Then I come to check out and find that it's been changed it ways that just don't suit, in short they annoy me (a lot like Megavideo did before it was taken down). But what really ticks me off is the whole purging/censoring thing that's taking place irks me the most, in way that I cannot put into words. Is this any different from the whole 'Censor the Internet' bill from a few months ago?

Here are my thoughts/opinions:

It is our right as readers and writers of fanfiction to read and write whatever we please, regardless of what it may contain: be it yaoi, yuri, lemon, or gore themed stories.

Responsible writers also add disclaimers and warnings in their stories so readers will know in advance what the story contains, so they know if it will offend them or not.

Responsible parents/adults need get off their lazy butts and moniter what their brats do and/or check out on ther internet. And install some censoring program to keep their brats from going to sites they don't them to go. Know what their kids are doing and talk to them if it concerns them, even the subject is uncomfortable or conflicts with your beliefs and etc. It is their job and shouldn't be blaming others for their neglect of their parental duties regardless of the circumstances.

As stated below by Glorious Bureden: should just create a MA section where only verified adults readers or registered members/authors should be able to access. Like and deviantart are like that, plus a few other sites I've come acrossed recently.

Unless of course Child Block software actually keeps young children from reading the more mature stories than the parents should do that and buy a good one.

Hmm, now that I've written it out I feel a little better. But I still feel compelled to criticize the staff for its decision.

1. It was mistake to announce that you were going to remove stories for their MA contents. Why? Because it will angry both readers and writers, plus young newcomers will see the announcement and will no doubt look for and read such stories even moreso than if left to their own devices. Just like I want to read the Hunger Games because of what I heard someone say about it. Two words: "Exploding Babies". And the FF staff want to take down our stories.

2. Did the staff change or did some of them become Born Again Christians? Cause this seems something a close minded Christian or someone that's really uptight will try and do. Honestly I'm Catholic and I love certain things about my religion, but I hate the whole close-minded destroy everything that 'offends' the religion it still has. Ugh, it is a really complicated issue for me. I can still feel the sting of that yard stick, ouch.

3. (Repeat from above) It is our right to read and write what we please. Plus we put up warnings in advanced! The responsible ones anyway.

4. If goes ahead with this purging of decent stories than the site will no doubt lose the vast majortiy of readers and writers. What I suggest that is those that leave the site should, instead of joining other sites, come together and create their own fanfiction website if possible. But that's just me.

I for one will take the following steps:

I will take down all my stories later today before Midnight in my timezone, expect for Azure Gaze. I was already planning on doing that anyway, after I posted the new-revised versions of said stories.

Right now I'm currentlly rewritten all three chapters, again. Weeping.

I will repost depending on what happens with . Worst case they censor us and I will have to try and get an account with . Or rather fix said account since I registered last year but now I can't log in for one reason or another.

Let your voice be heard and hope for the best.

Warning! (Copied off ShotgunRedneck)

There is a scheme brewing up with the FF staff and they're planning to take down any and every story over the M rated section (stories with yaoi, yuri, het lemons, song based stories, extreme violence, etc) ...

So on June 23rd, there will be an official Black Out. Authors will not log in, read, or review stories. Those who do not have accounts are also affected by FF's decisions too. Please participate and spread the news! If enough authors take part in this event, FF will know we mean business. Also, if anybody has any information on when this purging on M-rated fics will be please contact me. I would like to know in advance.

SPREAD THE WORD!

copy and pate this into your story updates, communities and forums

thanks

Author's Note: A FanficPetition (Copied off Glorious Burden)

This has nothing to do with the story, but I believe its important this has to be posted.

The administrators of are as of June 4th going to be taking down Fics that have lemons or have extreme violence. Now I don't know about you but I think thats stupid. There are many wonderful fics that only have one or two lemons in them yet the plot itself is awesome! You can't just take down a 100,000+ word fic just because it has a lemon in a chapter that is only 1000 words long. Now I urge you all to read the petition below, sign it, and repost this to your own fics. Hopefully if we make enough noise everything will return to normal. Thank you.

Greetings to the fine folk that moderate our site.

Myself, along with many, have been writing and posting on your fine site for years now, some of the better examples of up and coming writers out there are now suddenly finding some of the stories we've come to love at risk of being removed without the chance to even rectify our errors.

For some, that means the permanent loss of a story. While I don't have anything that I believe violates your terms of use, there are those out there that are never able to recover a story in its original form, this is something I find to be almost worthy of a legal action, as while we cannot claim ownership of a character, the stories are OURS and simply destroying them is something that is inexcusable.

It's quite easy to simply add an MA rating, additional filters or even a simple requirement for a free membership to read the stories presented here, and would cut down on hateful anonymous reviews and posts at the same time, so I have to question as to why such a thing, in all this time, simply wasn't added.

If you're worried about falsification of a registration then have an appropriate disclaimer and then there can be no dispute, you took your steps and the PARENTS didn't monitor their children, if that is even your concern. If it is more of a personal view or desire then please at least let people know and give them a chance to remove a story that you and yours find offensive, most people on the site are actually rather cordial when it comes to such requests.

While I cannot say for sure if this letter will even reach those that may be willing to listen, of if it's more akin to a wide spectrum purge in preparation for something bigger, please understand that you are going to be looseing a LARGE number of your writers, and thus your income from a lack of readers if there is not some level of action taken to help with this situation.

For those that may agree with this, please feel free to sign on and send this to the support server, maybe we can get some movement on this.

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